Mad Max

Released:  May 9^th, 1980

Rated:  R

Studio:  American International Pictures

Starring:  Mel Gibson, Joanne Samuel, Hugh Keays-Byrne, Steve Bisley, Tim Burns, Roger Ward

Directed by:  George Miller

Written by:  James McCausland, George Miller

Personal Bias Alert:  don’t hate Mel Gibson, not a fan of cheesy action flicks

4 of 10

            You know what’s a disappointing piece of trivia about Mad Max?  Most of the leather was fake.  That’s right, this notoriously low-budget piece had to buy vinyl outfits just to keep costs down.  I’m guessing their heart was in the right place, though, since such drastic measures certainly freed up some precious money for car wrecks, and that’s what we all came for, right?

            Mel Gibson stars as Max, who for most of the movie is not mad but slowly succumbing to the violent allure of the road.  He has the free pass of being a cop, meaning he gets to legally dabble in the violent lifestyle of the ‘terminal crazies’ that roam the highways in this version of post-apocalyptic Australia.  Anchoring him down is his fellow officers, his wife, and his young son.  That’s just enough to keep his head on straight, at least until a series of encounters with a biker gang pushes him even further towards the edge.

            Now I watched the version that is on American Netflix, which seems to be the extended 93 minute special edition with the original Australian audio track.  Why anyone would want to watch this with American dubbing is beyond me.  I’m guessing that Max and Fifi and Bubba running around spouting American slang would make this movie even stranger, and not in the brazenly fun way it thrives on.  This film’s all car chases and manly posturing, sliding right along with a slightly off-kilter energy that never left me feeling bored, and I don’t even particularly care for car chases and posturing. 

            Gibson and the rest of the cast are game for this cheese-fest, hamming up their parts with as much glee as their bad leather (or vinyl) pants allow.  This is one of those movies where it’s hard to say if the acting is good or not, because it’s intentionally b-movie bad.  The first scene makes this film’s aspirations pretty clear.  It’s a chase scene, with the bad guy spouting insane lines like “I'm a fuel injected suicide machine. I am the rocker, I am the roller, I am the out-of-controller!” and practically foaming at the mouth.  Lines like that make me gag, but to the film’s credit, at least it’s up front about what it is.

            The part that I did like, that provided some good, visceral fun, was the car chases.  And the wrecks.  And the explosions.  The carnage is constant and all over the place, simultaneously graphic and ridiculously fake.  Seriously, a dummy being run over by a truck never looked more like a dummy being run over by a truck, but that’s because they had no budget for special effects.  Whatever stunts were going to take place had to be performed for real, and you can’t run over your actors for the sake of art or entertainment.  By the same token, that means that the car chases and the wrecks were all real, and they’re actually filmed quite well.  I imagine they only had one take for most of this stuff, and they managed to enthusiastically capture the thrill of the road, of tires screeching and metal rending, in a way that even I was into.

            The problem with Mad Max’s focus on the cars, even with that aspect being done well, is that there’s barely enough time left for a real plot.  Granted, that might be for the best considering how insanely nonsensical the small plot we do get is.  I swear, there’s a sequence where the leader of the biker gang threatens another member, then inexplicably starts walking them both out into the ocean.  Where does he think he’s going?  He’s clearly going to have to stop in a few steps or they and their guns will go underwater.  Then we cut to a bar scene, a seemingly nice bar where the waiters wear suits and a nice lady sings cabaret, a place where none of these characters would ever go.  Yet here is one of Max’s friends catching the eye of the singer, because this is a movie, so if the writer says that’s what happens then that’s what happens.  It seems that no one gave two cents about coherence, consistency, or pace when writing this film.  I’m guessing there were far more discussions about what cars would look coolest summersaulting through the air than what would actually happen in this movie.

            What it comes down to is that this film just isn’t for me.  I like plot and character, and I like it when they come together to explain what the hell is going on.  I like car chases and leather, too, but I need more than that to enjoy a film.

            Other Notes:

Ø  “That thing in there, that’s not Goose!”  Wow, you could be a little more accepting of people with severe burns.

Ø  “Dad used to take me on long walks.”  Dad didn’t have much money, did he?

Ø  Those villains were intentionally cartoonish, but that didn’t make me cringe any less.

Ø  Very subtle with the Anarchie Road sign.

Ø  I must say, I could definitely see the guys in Bellflower liking this movie.

The Expendables 3

Released:  August 15^th, 2014

Rated:  PG-13

Studio:  Lionsgate

Starring:  Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Antonio Banderas, Jet Li, Wesley Snipes, Dolph Lundgren, Kelsey Grammer, Randy Couture, Terry Crews, Kellan Lutz, Ronda Rousey, Glen Powell, Victor Ortiz, Robert Davi, Mel Gibson, Harrison Ford, Arnold Schwarzenegger

Directed by:  Patrick Hughes 

Written by:  Sylvester Stallone, Creighton Rothenberger, Katrin Benedikt

Personal Bias Alert:  Not an action movie fan, never seen the first two Expendables

 3 of 10

            Even I have to admit, this cast is impressive.  Not in the sense of being extremely talented actors, but in the sheer number of them that could break my spine in under a minute.  Yep, most of these guys (and the lady) are the real thing, ranging from massive bodybuilders to boxers to MMA fighters.  That makes me mildly terrified to say this, but they’ve collectively made a pretty terrible film.

            In a case of three heads are worse than two, the writing staff has been upped to a trio, and still they struggle to form a basic plot.  We get that Mel Gibson’s Stonebanks is the bad guy, having turned on Sylvester Stallone’s Barney and vaguely betrayed the expendables group they formed together.  But the reason why anything else happens, like why Barney breaks Wesley Snipes’ Doc out of prison or why he abandons his old group in favor of some young blood is only given cursory explanations.  It’s pretty clear that they’re trying to segue into the next action sequence (or at least the next quipy exchange) as fast as possible, and I have to wonder why three writers were necessary for that goal.

            Perhaps it was to get all that sharp, witty banter (sarcasm).  Now, I have to take a step back here and admit that I’ve always found this cheesy style of 80s-90s action movie dialogue rather off-putting, and while it did elicit a few laughs from others, there were long swathes of banter scenes that left the theater silent.  There’s simply too many lazy jokes, too many poorly performed gags, too many ‘there’s a woman in this one’ reminders, and one awfully terrible Antonio Banderas.  I actually kind of felt bad for him; he was clearly told to go that big, but watching his performance had me agreeing with the guy next to me who whispered “go back to Zorro.”

            The experience level in this cast is an odd mix, with some being action movie legends and others making their big screen debut.  It’s not noticeable, though, since everyone is skating along without really trying.  Sure, they give it their all in the action scenes, but anything that resembles actual acting is pretty sparse.  The only one really emoting anything here is Gibson.  Extracurricular activities aside, the man can act, and even in a one-note performance he outshines everyone else onscreen.  But hey, at least with a cast this size we get an overlong team introduction/recruitment sequence.

            Now to the selling point, the entire reason for this film’s existence:  the action sequences.  I’ll be frank; they’re very underwhelming.  Relying on uninspired gunfire and explosions sequences to keep you entertained, their repetitiveness eventually becomes outright tiresome.  The final sequence, which features the team fighting their way through an abandoned building, goes on for an eternity, endlessly repeating the hiding behind a wall and shooting the guy as he passes routine.  Add in that the $90 million budget was noticeably stretched too far, resulting in some unconvincing CGI, and you’ve got a dud.

            To be honest, I don’t have much to say about this film.  I walked out of the theater and tried to record my notes, but nothing came.  The stammering recording is almost sad, and at one point I actually exclaim “I just don’t know what to say about it, because I was so bored by it.”  Listening to the recording again, I actually remark twice on how bored I was.  So that’s my main takeaway:  I was bored.  You probably will be, too.

            Other Notes (Ridiculous Action Movie Version):

Ø  Guards never look up or down.

Ø  When Sly Stallone’s ears are ringing, he just has to yell incoherently to fix them.  (This was my favorite part of the film)

Ø  The beard shaving scene.  It’s worth a watch just for its awfulness.

Other Notes (Regular Version):

Ø  When they introduced Ronda Rousey’s character, were they trying to hide that she was a badass with hipster glasses?

Ø  What’s with all the shots of Mel Gibson walking up stairs?

Ø  SPOILER:  This does have an ethnically diverse cast, but they only toy with killing the two black characters.  I’m hoping that was meant to be a joke on that trope.