The Boy Next Door

Released:  January 23^rd, 2015

Rated:  R

Distributor:  Universal

Starring:  Jennifer Lopez, Ryan Guzman, Kristin Chenoweth, John Corbett, Ian Nelson

Directed by:  Rob Cohen

Written by:  Barbara Curry

Personal Bias Alert:  likes erotic thrillers, ambivalent about Jennifer Lopez

3.8 of 10

            It’s true that erotic thrillers have been scarce since the ‘90s boom, which is an oddity since there is and always will be a market for them.  People like sex, and mixing in some scandal makes for an easily produced piece that can be done on a remarkably small budget.  Honestly, I don’t understand why Hollywood doesn’t churned them out like horror films.  As long as you keep them small, surely enough people will turn up to make a profit.  Look at The Boy Next Door, which isn’t even a good erotic thriller, but was produced for a mere $4 million and earned $5.7 million in its first day alone.  The math seems simple to me.

            The sad thing is, The Boy Next Door comes dangerously close to getting it right.  It’s going for campy entertainment, which only requires a few things to pull off.  First and foremost, you have to get some attractive leads, two people audiences will want to see getting their sexy on despite the complications that are thrown into the mix.  Jennifer Lopez and Ryan Guzman fit the bill, playing neighbors who fall for each other despite Guzman being Lopez’s student (although he is of age, which the movie makes clear).  It’s a solid setup, something with high stakes for Lopez’s character without being off-puttingly scandalous.  Lopez’s sex appeal needs no explanation, but Guzman is a bit of an unknown.  A former model, he's got a muscular, square-jawed appeal that matches Lopez’s curves (no waifs allowed here).  He’s also a veteran of the dance series Step Up, so he knows how to move his body.  One can easily imagine those two having great sex, which is half the thrill of this sort of movie, so on this count, it passes with flying colors.

            The more complicated thing to pull off, which this film doesn’t quite do, is to wrangle the right tone.  To achieve a campy good time, you have to commit to ridiculousness, really go for it.  Anger should evoke uncontrollable rage, lust aggressive advances, and fear a twitching desperation.  Granted, the movie has to take these things seriously, but it and the audience will understand the wink, the approval of gleeful, inappropriate thrills.  And that is where The Boy Next Door falls short.  Too much time is spent in a middle ground where Guzman is menacing and pushing Lopez, but not nearly enough.  His antics are concerning, yes, but not really scary.  However, it’s enough to turn off all desire to see him and her together, shortchanging the audience of the two aspects that are supposed to be thrilling.  The finale finally goes for it, and it’s a ridiculous good time, proving just how lackluster the rest of the film really is.

            The smaller things, which feed off the two big requirements, are actually done right here, but can seem like detriments since the tone is all wonky.  If The Boy Next Door had nailed the so-bad-it’s-good vibe, then the god-awful dialogue would be laughably fun, serving to break the seriousness and keep things light.  Some of the more fancy shots, like when Guzman’s making advances on Lopez in the kitchen while the audience can also see the son and the husband in the other room, would heighten the scandal instead of being cheesy.  Other things, like the soft lighting, constantly impeccable makeup, and the well-furnished sets successfully feed into the first requirement, keeping the characters and their surrounding environment attractive and appealing.

            In the end, it all comes down to a failure of tone for The Boy Next Door.  Everyone seemed to understand the elements that were needed to make this a trashy good time but weren’t quite able to pull it off.  And when you fail at so-bad-it’s-good, it’s just plain bad.

            Other Notes:

Ø  Jennifer Lopez produced this thing, so she must really believe in erotic thrillers.  Maybe she did the math like me.

Ø  The cop-out that Guzman isn’t really a boy is kind of annoying.

Ø  I’m sure there’s someone out there who’s fantasized about Jennifer Lopez quoting Homer.

Ø  Who puts a boxing ring in a high school?