4.5 of 10
Personal
Bias Alert: not a big fan of gangster
movies, generally annoyed by David Schwimmer
“The
Iceman” is based on the true story of hitman Richard Kuklinski, who claimed to
have killed over 100 people in a 38 year period. His nickname has a double meaning, referring
both to his cold demeanor and his habit of freezing victims to hide the time of
death. That a man like Kuklinski existed,
and that he eluded detection for so long, is troubling. A movie seems almost inevitable; bloody mob
movies sell well, the true-life twist makes it more compelling, and Kuklinski’s
troubled childhood gives the writers a motive audiences would understand. Unfortunately, the film falls flat due to the
simplistic script, unambiguous direction, and wooden characters.
The
film opens with Michael Shannon’s Kuklinski on a date with his girlfriend/future
wife Deborah (Winona Ryder). Kuklinski
is delighted that Deborah’s there, and tries his best to keep up a
conversation. It’s the lightest you’ll
see this character, and unfortunately, it’s the only time you’ll see him with
any shading. After a few minutes, the
music takes on an eerie quality and he makes a flirtatious reference to Deborah
being like Natalie Wood. Because there’s
nothing ominous about references to
Natalie Wood.
This
scene sets up the rest of the movie well.
It lays its cards on the table early and often, never letting you
develop any opinions of the characters or their actions independently. The music is an obvious offender, being both
prominent and lacking in subtlety. The
actors follow suit: the bad guys leer,
Ryder cowers, and Kuklinski’s girls waft angelically in the background. Nothing about this film is novel, and most of
it’s downright clichéd. I mean, can you
imagine Ray Liotta being cast as a mobster?
Shannon
plays Kuklinski with the passionless demeanor the real-life Kuklinski is known
for. Even the one thing he cares about,
his family, is revealed to be a product of his childhood, not an actual connection
between Kuklinski and his wife and family.
While this dispassion may be an accurate portrayal, it’s not a very
cinematic one. A character with no
reactions seemingly has nothing that’s important to him, leaving the audience with
no reason to care what happens to him.
Shannon’s Kuklinski seems fine with whatever, and so are we.
The
only character with any life is Kuklinski’s associate, a fellow hitman played
by Chris Evans. He reviles in the
character’s blasé nature, bringing levity and humor to the nasty things they
do. It may not be the most normal of
reactions, but at least it shows an awareness of the world around him,
something Kuklinski never seems to acknowledge.
A
film with this kind of story behind it should be a slam dunk. Lies, murder, and family is a winning
combination that’s been used throughout time, and to mess it up this badly is
almost impressive. But then again, it’s kind
of fitting that a film about a prolific murderer turned out this lifeless.
Other
Notes:
Ø What’s
with James Franco being in everything?
Ø Hey,
it’s Ross from “Friends” with a terrible mustache! And they pointed out the mustache with an
incredibly ominous line! Surely nothing
bad will happen to him.
Ø I’m
so glad $10 million was spent on this film.
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