No Good Deed

Released:  September 12^th, 2014

Rated:  PG-13

Studio:  Screen Gems

Starring:  Idris Elba, Taraji P. Henson

Directed by:  Sam Miller

Written by:  Aimée Lagos

Personal Bias Alert:  likes Elba and Henson, gets alarmed when press screenings are cancelled

1.5 of 10

            It’s a good bet that a film that isn’t screened for critics will be bad.  If the screenings are scheduled, then abruptly cancelled?  Forget it; it’s sure to be terrible.  If the film’s been sitting in the can for a year for no good reason?  Don’t even bother going.  And yet No Good Deed, which checks off each of the above warnings, has gathered enough of an audience to come out of its opening weekend at #1, ending Guardians of the Galaxy’s month-long run.

            There is, in fact, two good reasons for the optimism surrounding this film.  Its leads, Idris Elba and Taraji P. Henson, are proven talents, each with a long list of credits to their names.  They’ve both been unable to string together enough quality work to become true superstars, but anyone who’s followed television or movies for the past 15 years will know their capabilities.  The prospect of the two of them sharing a film, bouncing their talents off of each other, is truly exciting, so I understand people taking a chance on this one.  Unfortunately, the material is so bad that even they get sucked down with it.

            Henson plays Terri, a stay-at-home mom but former District Attorney specializing in violence against women cases, who inexplicably lets a large, mysterious man into her house while she is home alone with her two young children.  Have you picked up on the character inconsistencies yet?  Terri’s supposed to be a very smart woman, intimately familiar with how bad situations go down, and yet she invites the man with a gash on his forehead, whom she found rummaging around in her flower pot, into her home.  That’s just one in a long line of incredibly stupid things these characters must do to allow this movie to exist.

            Obviously, Elba plays Colin, the flower rummager, whom we’ve already seen kill three people.  He’s also been implicated in six other murders, and has been dramatically labeled a malignant narcissist at his parole hearing.  Now, that’s not a recognized psychological disorder by the DSM, but I guess that parole board member reads Wikipedia instead of reputable sources.  Point is, the movie’s established Colin as a bad dude, and yet what follows is a long sequence in which the film tries to build tension with a will-he-won’t-he hurt her scenario (spoiler:  he does).  When the film finally gets done dragging its feet and unleashes crazy Colin on the family, we’ve already burned half of the film’s short 84 minute runtime.

            But hey, twenty minutes of Elba and Henson playing cat-and-mouse with each other could have been fun.  They’re definitely two actors I’m willing to watch sit in a room and verbally spar with each other, but this film isn’t even smart enough to let them do that.  Instead, we get a bunch of ominous music, imminent storm references, and lighting so dark it’s sometimes difficult to make out Elba and Henson’s faces.  It’s a classic case of not trusting your actors to tell the story, which in this case is silly, but without the sequence this film would be too short to be a feature.  I guess the filmmakers think that’s enough of a reason for it to exist?

            So we finally arrive at the point everyone knew was coming:  Colin showing his true colors.  Those colors are murderous, mind you, and still he inexplicably doesn’t immediately kill Terri.  Why?  No reason is ever given.  None whatsoever.  The only reason I can surmise is that there wouldn’t be a film if he did, because everything we’ve learned about his character tells me that he would have killed her many times over.  This inexplicable development does give the film a certain unpredictability, but since it’s never explained it just ends up being frustrating instead of entertaining.

            According to the established characters, this film should have been about twenty minutes long.  Colin should have showed up at the house, Terri should have refused to let him in, and Colin should have kicked the door down and killed her.  Everything else that happens, which is most of the film, makes zero sense.  No Good Deed is one of those films that simply shouldn’t exist, and yet inexplicably does.

            Can we all agree to give Elba and Henson a quality film to work on together?  I’d still like to see that.

            Other Notes:

Ø  Guess who else is dumb?  Terri’s friend.  Really, really dumb.

Ø  When I move, I always take boxes out of the moving van, stack them in the yard, and then move them into the house.

Ø  This film is really stab-happy.