300: Rise of an Empire (2014)

4 of 10

Personal Bias Alert:  I’ve seen and forgotten “300,” not a fan of stylistic choices that make everything look fake

            When watching movies that sorely lack characterization, I often find the final lines of George Orwell’s Animal Farm running through my head:  “The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.”  In my head, we, the viewers, are the creatures, the supposed good guys are the pigs, and the supposed bad guys are the men.  When a film doesn’t take the time to distinguish between characters, I watch the movie screen with as much confusion as Orwell’s creatures watched the pigs and the men.   Luckily, “300:  Rise of an Empire” found a solution to this problem:  make the good guys wear blue capes!

            Where “300” told the story of how 300 Spartan men stood up to and were killed by the Persian king Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro), “300:  Rise of an Empire” tells the concurrent story of the Athenian General Themistocles (Sullivan Stapleton), who is trying to unite all of Greece’s city-states into a single force large enough to defeat Xerxes.  From the first film, we know that Sparta refuses this union, and as their 300 men die in battle, Themistocles is left to repel the Persian naval attack led by the female commander Artemisia (Eva Green).  It’s a difficult task.  Themistocles is outnumbered, and his plan hinges less on winning the battle than in holding out long enough for either him or Sparta’s men to become the martyrs Greece needs.  The Spartans die first, and Themistocles retreats to make a last ditch effort to unite Greece and repel Xerxes.

            There is a long introduction to this story, with Lena Headey’s Queen Gorgo telling the story of how Themistocles killed Xerxes’s father Darius in battle, which allowed Artemisia, a Greek defector who owed everything to Darius, to exert her influence on the young Xerxes and ensure he would destroy Greece as revenge for Darius’s death.  It sets up Artemisia’s hatred for Themistocles well, which is important since the rest of the film is essentially a series of naval showdowns between the two.  Unfortunately it’s unnecessarily long, dragging out what should have been a quick re-introduction to the time period into an overblown, exposition-filled clunker.

            The introduction is fitting, since the rest of the film is one overblown sequence after another.  People yell at each other, then a battle sequence, then someone yells a rousing speech, then a battle sequence, then people whisper threats to each other, then another battle sequence.  Apparently, no one had discovered how to have a normal conversation yet.  There is a lot of stare downs, normally between Artemisia and Themistocles over impossibly long distances.  This leaves little time for character exploration, with Artemisia getting a little backstory and Themistocles getting nothing.  It’s okay though; the movie is only concerned with these characters because they get into bloody fights, so the setup of Artemisia’s hatred for Themistocles is more than enough explanation.

            The battles are well-staged and thoroughly bloody, although their violence and gore is constrained by the fact that they are primarily naval battles.  Where the first film thrived on its hand-to-hand combat, you now get some impressive ship ramming and explosions.  Yes, there’s still plenty of swordplay, and one absurd scene of sexual mind play.  The speed up/slow down shots made popular by “300” are primarily used at the beginning and end of the film, so if that was a problem for you in the first film it shouldn’t annoy you as much here.

            The battles, the special effects, the wardrobe, and the pretty people are the only reasons to see this film.  Trying to discern purpose, either for the characters or for the story at large, will get you nowhere.  And don’t even think about how this movie’s story reveals how marginally important the first film’s events are.

Other Notes:

Ø  The film’s director is Noam Murro.  His only other feature film is the independent dramedy “Smart People.”  It’s hard to find two more different films.

Ø  I have no clue how much time is supposed to have passed in this film.  A few months?  A few years?  Your guess is as good as mine.

Ø  Artemisia got the best costumes.  Her golden, spikey spine thing was cool, even if I do think it would be super uncomfortable.  Her raccoon-level eye makeup gave her the definitive edge in the stare downs.